Only a few days into my least favorite month, and I am already feeling the depression grabbing hold. Every year I promise myself that I will not succumb to the doldrums, but like the shadows of darkness, they creep out and grab at my soul. Perhaps it is a delayed reaction of spirits and ancestors that overstay their welcome from Halloween or Samhain. Maybe it is the early sunset brought on by the time change (it's way too early, thank you, for daytime darkness). What ever its source, it is here, and on only the second day of the month.
One day the trees are golden and vibrant, the next brown, naked, and stark against the cold sky. One day warm and sunny, the next raw damp rain falling. In no more than twenty four hours, we lose our beautiful Indian summer and face the cold blast of the northeast wind. November is cruelly here once more.
I used to love the seasons changing, especially as the fall wound down and Nature begins to turn inward toward the long hibernation of winter. Pulling oneself in and reaching for warm,heavier clothes and blankets to give protection against the elements. Stocking in ingredients for comfort foods like soups and hearty casseroles that fill the tummy and slow mealtime into a relaxed event. Beginning to gather books and magazines that will fill longer, indoor times.
Somehow, perhaps because I am older and feeling the number of seasons accumulating too rapidly, I want to scream "stop, don't move so quickly", to whomever is in charge of this pace of growing old. Perhaps it is the realization of another year soon to be behind me, and the number of years ahead dwindling as each year passes. Whatever the cause, I always know when it is November, simply because of how I feel, and that is sad. Maybe if I just accept that these feelings are simply the way it is in November, honor them, and then let them go? "There is a time to laugh and a time to weep, and a time for letting go" and for me, November is the time for sadness.
